I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
