Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
