She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
40s are totally the cure
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
