do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
