I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
