You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
