and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Who died my cat blue again?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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