you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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