Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
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