Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
