Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
