He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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