The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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