I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
