your parents love me but you hate me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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