dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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