Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
