I just threw up on my dentist
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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