I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
