yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im holly from the hills drunk
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
