I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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