please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
