he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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