FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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