Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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