Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
