I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
