i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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