he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
