So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
