You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
