goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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