Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
