If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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