i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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