3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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