Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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