Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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