Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Shame - the story of my life.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
