New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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