Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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