i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
