New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
