Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
