he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
