Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
