Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
