just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
