I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
That's when you crack a 10am beer
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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