life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You made out with two different species that night
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
