Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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