now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
