Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
