I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
